- Acknowledge What Has Happened
Say something ("I am so sorry about your loss"), write something
(a card or a note means a great deal), do something (a kind gesture
or helpful deed is always welcome).
- Listen, Listen, Listen
Make time to be with the friend and listen to their thoughts and
feelings.
Don't ever assume that you know what they are going through.
Just let them know that you are there for them to listen and care.
- Accept the Other as He or She Is
Don't try to offer advice on how the person should act or feel.
If the person seems different, remember that THEY ARE. Something
big has happened to them.
- Offer to Help, and Make Your Offers Specific
Don't just say, "I am here for you." Tell the person HOW you are
here for them. Examples are: "I will get the homework assignments
for you," or "I will check in on how you are doing everyday this
week, ok?" or "I want to sit with you at lunch for awhile until
you are feeling better."
- Relate to the Other as a Whole Person
No one wants to be seen as a victim all the time. Remember that
the person is more than what they have lost. To forget who the person
is will not help their recovery. To forget that they have had a
sad thing happen, will make them feel invisible. So try to keep
both things in mind.
GRIEF IS A CONTINUAL PROCESS. WHAT MIGHT ASSIST YOU?
- Talking
- Getting Involved in School and Other Activities
What kinds of things you do?
- Spending Time Alone Crying
- Writing Down Your Thoughts
- Being with Friends
- Eating, Hugging, Screaming, Praying
- Helping Others
- Join a Support Group
- Exercise
- Listening to Music
- Drawing or Painting
- eMailing Family and Friends
- Use our Website!
Resources
Straight Talk About Death for Teenagers:
How to Cope with Losing Someone you Love
Earl A. Grollman, Beacon Press, Boston, MA.
Facing Change:
Falling Apart and Coming Together Again in the Teen Years
Donna O'Toole, Mountain Rainbow Publications, Burnsville, NC.
Death is Hard to Live With:
Teenagers Talk About How They Cope with Loss
Janet Bode, Bantam Doubleday, New York, NY.
Written by The Good Grief Program, Judge Baker Children's Center |
